Ask Schrodinger
by Seraphia-la
Summary: Ask me anyzhing! I shall be looking forvard to answering your questions.
1. Introduction

**Vell, it seems like zhat fat old Major has finally lent me his computer. Isn't he vunderful? I could get into all zhe details of vhy he ist zhe best leader ever, but I don't vant to scare zhe fans avay before zhe fun even starts.**

**But anyvays, he's going to let me use his computer for an hour every veek from now on. I never zhought zhe Major vould trust me vith his personal belongings again...at least, not after zhe time I broke his big comfy chair vhile spinning. But zhat's an entirely different story for a different time. **

**As I said before, vhat are you vaiting for? Ask me anyzhing! I shall be looking forvard to your questions. Until zhen, auf wiedersehen. =^-^=**


	2. Part Eins!

_Hellsinglover said: _

What the bloody hell is going on here I know rip,alucard,seras,Walter,and me made one one because of a bet I did it for fun! Great just try to keep all this stuff under control. Integra

**Oh! Vhy hello, Fraulein Integra, I did not expect to bump into you on zhe Internet. Ist zhe Police Girl vith you, by chance? **

**To be honest, I'm not too sure about vhat's going on either. Perhaps zhe organizations were having a slow day und discovered zhis site. Or maybe it's a conspiracy...if so, I vould like to clarify zhis beforehand: Millennium ist NOT responsible, no matter vhat everyone says! Zhey're jealous because zhey don't have a fleet of zeppelins. **

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><p><em>xXAmiRoguexX said:<em>

What is it like being inside of Alucard. Is it scary DX oh i'm so sad

I miss you! You are like one of the cutest little characters I have ever seen

Oh and do you have a crush on Seras?

**1. It vas terrible inside Alucard! Everything vas dark except for a dull red glow on zhe horizon, like fires burning in zhe distance. I zhought zhe glow was London burning und zhe path back to zhe mortal vorld, but it vasn't. Maybe it vas only an illusion. Zhe glow didn't get any closer, no matter how far I valked. I couldn't teleport avay from zhat awful place either, as I no longer recognized myself. **

**Und zhe whole time, zhis rancid odor hung in zhe air like something vas left to decay. Vhich ist funny, because I vas zhe only vun present und last time I checked, I didn't have C.O. (Cat Odor, for zhe uninformed. It's similiar to zhis zhing humans call "body odor). If zhere's anything positive about being stuck inside Alucard, it vas zhe spaciousness. I could sense zhat many, many souls once inhabited zhis place, but zhey're all gone now. Vhat happened to zhem, I don't know und part of me doesn't vant to know. I hope I never end up like zhem. **

**I could go on and on about how awful being inside Alucard vas, but I'll end my answer on zhis note: zhe clutches of Fraulein Hellsing's pet vampire ist no vacation. :,(**

**2. I am so glad to hear zhat! *Hugs* Nobody has called me cute at zhe base for a very long time, zhey all zhink I'm a nuisance. **

**3. Er, a**** little bit. She's not zhat nice und she's certainly out of my league. But she's very attractive, nein? I can't deny zhat. Especially her...assets...or as Jan vould say, "Fucking Police Girl titties!" ****Don't tell my superiors I just said zhat!**

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><p><em>Sakura Otome said: <em>

schrodinger here is a few questions:

much does the major weigh

2. do you have a tail

3. do you like sushi

**1. I am not sure of zhe exact number, zhough I'd estimate 350 kilos? Perhaps even 400? Yet, zhe Major still stuffs his face like a pig at a pie-eating contest. **

**2. I do, but I keep my tail hidden. It only gets in zhe vay, not zhat my superiors vould ever let me participate in actual combat...*rolls eyes***

**3. Some. I don't like vegetarian sushi, but zhe fish vuns are so good! Zhere's an international supermarket vithin valking distance of our base. Each time ve go zhere, I pester Luke until he buys me zhe sushi! Zhat man ist so guillible, haha. Does he really believe I'll burn his romance novels if he doesn't buy zhe sushi?**

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><p><em>Jackalgirl11 said:<em>

Hullo it's Seras Victoria...I -uhh well, why exactly were you staring at me when we first met. Did i have something on my face?

**Ooh! Seras! *Stares* I-I bumped into zhe Fraulein earlier today, I zhink she vent zhat vay -**

**Noo, it vasn't your face. Actually, it vas something on your chest...**

**Did I really say zhat! Never mind, let's pretend I said nothing...**

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><p><em>Winterthaw of Thunderclan said:<em>

(not logged in)

Schrodinger, can I have a hug?

**Ja, of course! :3 *Gives you a big hug***

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><p><em>Charmed Wolf said:<em>

Hey, Shrodinger, what sort of cat toys do you like?

**Zhe classic ball of yarn. Zhey're fun to chase, especially vhen zhey unravel. I like blue yarn zhe most und for some reason, my balls of yarn alvays go missing! **

**Und I like to svat zhat long, swirly piece of hair Rip has sticking from her forehead...if I can get close enough to touch it und keep my head intact, zhat is...**

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><p><em>Classic Anon said:<em>

the one with no name has a question for ye.

what is it like, being everywhere and nowhere? I hear it's awesome, but I wish to hear it from someone who's been there.

did you know that you were named after a physics equation?

**1. Well, I'm glad you zhink my power ist awesome. :3 Nowadays, it's as normal for me as a drinking blood ist to a vampire. Being everyvhere und novhere ist like having zhe vorld at your fingertips. Zhere are endless possibilities to vhere you can go, especially vhen you can regenerate. I can be anyvhere I vant, so long as I believe I'm in zhat place. **

**2. Ja, Dok explained to me vunce he zhought I vas old enough to understand. **

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><p><em>Kara said:<em>

_does the captin even talk?_

**Zhe Captain? No, not zhat I know of. In all zhe years I've known him, I've never heard him utter a single vord to anybody. **


	3. Part Zwei!

_hellsinglover said: _

Well it good to see that some ppl are just bored by the way It seem I recently I got an iPod touch do u know If t has word doccument or someone who knows oh and seras said u can try to visit her tho she hates that u looked at her cleavage

**Ah, I agree. **

**I can visit Seras? *eyes sparkle* I already did. Just last night. I teleported myself to her room und stared at her for a vhile. Please tell Fraulein Victoria zhat I am not as creepy as my actions indicate. **

**As for your other question...I do not own an iPod und mein superiors vould never let me have vun either, so I vould not know. **

**Until zhe day zhey change zheir minds, I am stuck listening to Rip's singing. -_-***

**I believe vun of our top soldiers got an iPod last veek. Said he vas tired of being ignorant of zhe current technology. Perhaps I can ask him zhe same question vhen he ist back from zhe mess hall. **

**Have a lovely day, Fraulein Hellsing. Und please enjoy your day, for zhe glorious var will be knocking on your front door before you know it. :3**

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><p><em>Sakura Otome said: <em>

hey kitty boy it's a me again with more questions

mad have you every made dok

2. don't be mean to luke he's cool

3. every heard of nyan cat =W=

**1. Very mad. Infuriated to zhe point vhere steam vas litereally pouring from his ears und a vein vas bulging from his forehead, und his face vas a sick shade of puce. Zhe most memorable episode happened a decade or so ago. I couldn't help myself, I vas just so bored. So I snuck to his laboratory vith a mixing bowl stolen from zhe kitchen and mixed some of his chemicals together. I didn't know vhat vould happen, I was just curious! Anyvays, zhe mixture exploded und took out half of zhe laboratory, along vith some of Dok's newest experiments und research...**

**I never heard zhe end of it. **

**By zhe time Dok vas zhrough, I looked as zhough a truck ran over me.**

**I'm pretty sure he ist still mad at me to zhis day. Zhose experiments must have been very important to him...**

**2. Hehehe. Ja, I know. He seems to be vun of zhe few soldiers on zhe base (besides Major) who don't seem to hate me too deeply. Zhat being said, zhere aren't many vays to entertain myself around zhe base, given zhe few missions I am allowed to participate in. **

**3. I have, it is so cute! Too bad no vun else around zhe base loves Nyan Cat, zhey are all fixated on some other viral video. Something called a "Friday," I believe. My comrades, especially zhe ghouls, listen to it all day! I vanted to listen along, but a few soldiers told me it is not for young ears...**

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><p><em>Lena said: <em>

would you ever drink blood even though your not a vampire?

****No, I don't zhink I ever vill. Blood has a very unappealing scent und I am sure it tastes just as bad!****

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><p><em>Winterthaw of Thunderclan said: <em>

Wynter: Aww, thankyou! -hugs back-

-Okay, turns to Pip form-

Pip: -glares- You have realised zat Seras is mine, oui?

**;3 You're very velcome. **

**Herr Bernadotte? You're here und you're saying zhat Seras ist yours? Oh...vell...excuse me for my ignorance of zhe Hellsing Organization's matters. I shall try to refrain from staring at your little Fraulein's chest from now on...I zhink...**

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><p>subject 145601 said:<p>

Gutten tag herr Schrodinger

**Guten tag to you too. ^-^**

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><p>la-novh94 said:<p>

hello schrodinger

I have a question and tuvistes childhood, or remember anything before you with the most, that's a question I round the head, besides as a child as cute as you are able to cut his neck as if nothing

without saying more I say goodbye

Nov =^+^=

**I am not sure vhat exactly you mean, but I vill try to answer to vhat I understand. :3**

**I don't remember much of my childhood. Most likely, it vas a side effect of being Dok's experiment - a loss of memory. Most of us soldiers in Millennium don't like to talk openly about our pasts, zhey are either too painful to recount, too boring to interest anybody, or ve mostly forgot as a side effect of zhe transformation into somezhing more zhan human. I vas vun of zhose who forgot. Vunce in a vhile, snippets of my life before vill pop unexpectedly into my mind. **

**I remember a voman who I assume vas my mother, vith golden hair zhat smelled of roses. I remember being excited about her taking me to a local fair. I'd have liked to know who my real mother vas, but I am sure she ist dead by now. Searching for her vould be pointless. Besides, I have my comrades. Zhey're who I spent most of my life vith. In a sense, zhey are more like family to me zhan zhis strange voman vith zhe golden hair. **

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><p>classic anon said:<p>

a new set of questions, from the one who is as the feared, respected final boss of the internet:

what are some of the more humorous things that occur in millenium, on and off base?

**Oh, ja. I vas vaiting for somevun to ask zhis! Did you know I am responsible for nearly half of zhe ruckus und mischief in Millennium?**

**As for zhe more humorous zhings zhat occur in Millennium, here are zhe zhings zhat I remember most: **

**Last Christmas, Dok got an anonymous gift from somebody. For clarification's sake: I svear, it was NOT me. Und guess vhat vas inside? Guess? Vun of zhose toy operation kits, complete vith plastic stethoscope, light, und all zhe stuff doctors use for examining patients. He tried to act happy about zhe gift, but he clearly vasn't. He probaly zhought somevun in Millennium vas trying to make fun of his profession. **

**Fifty reichsmarks says zhe giver vas zhe Fatty himself. **

**Und...zhere vas zhat other time vhen I replaced zhe pictures in Rip's opera CDs vith photos of Aluc - I MEAN, Zamiel. Vhere did said photos come from? Zhe Internet, I am truly surprised Major und Dok don't rely on it more often. But anyvays, she vas furious vhen she found out! Rip vasn't nearly as mad as Dok vhen I blew up half his laboratory (as mentioned in an earlier question) but she vas still steaming mad. **

**Zhe outcome? I received a kick so forceful it snapped my spine in half. **

**I am zhankful for zhe regeneration Dok equipped me vith, so many years ago. **

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><p>lena said:<p>

1 - did anyone ever tell you how babies are made

2 - do you ever have parties at the base and if so can I come?

3 - cats or dogs?

**1. Vell, my comrades have made numerous attempts to explain zhis. I have no idea who to believe, as each of zhem told a different story! **

**According to Luke, zhe stork brings zhe babies. Hahaha. I've known zhat vas a LIE since I vas a KITTEN. Und Dok says all babies are made in laboratories. Und zhen...zhen zhere's Jan, but I'm not sure if I should believe _his_ account either...**

**2. Parties? No, not exactly. Vhen large groups are recruited into zhe organization, ve hold formal celebrations in zheir honor, vith much drinking und chatting und food. Dok's cooking ist good, did I ever tell you zhat? **

**But such celebrations are rare. Mostly, zhe Last Battalion have more important zhings to vorry about such as VAR! Und I'm sorry, but you can't come. It vould be a pleasure to have you zhere, but zhe Major has stressed time und time again zhat such celebrations are Millennium-exclusive. Vhich means, no Hellsing. No Police Girl. No Iscariot. Und definitely no outsiders. **

**Me, ****I zhink he just vants to hog all zhe cake to himself.**

**3. Cats, _of course._ Who needs dogs vhen you have _cats?_ :D Ve kittens are cute, cuddly, soft, gentle, funny, fluffy, perfect, und did I say cute? Dogs are noisy, rough animals who zhink zhey're all zhat. Zhey need a reality check und a flea collar. Unless you're zhe Captain, he's a special case. /end of rant/**


End file.
